Most People Don't Get Enough of This One Thing (A World Without Touch)

The silent crisis that's impacting our mental health (+ what you can do about it)

Feb 16, 2025

We live in a lonely world.

Depression and anxiety rates are the highest they’ve ever been. Despite being more “connected” than ever through technology, people are feeling more isolated and disconnected from real human relationships.

Think about it—when was the last time you experienced genuine physical connection?

If you’re like me while I’m away at school, you might even go through an entire day without actually touching another human. For many, moments of connection are rare. Life moves fast. We rush through our days, scrolling through our phones, sitting in our separate rooms, buried in our work, and consumed by our own routines.

You could even spend an entire day surrounded by people at work or school, yet somehow, you still feel disconnected.

That’s because there’s something missing.

It’s easy to feel surrounded by people yet feel deeply + dangerously alone

Connection Isn’t Just About Conversation

Connection must also occur on a physical level.

Humans are wired to thrive in close-knit communities, where touch was natural and abundant. Yet today, many of us go days or weeks without meaningful physical contact.

This lack of touch can have serious consequences.

Our nervous systems crave physical connection, and without it, we experience heightened stress, anxiety, restlessness, poor health, and trouble sleeping.

Loneliness isn’t just in your head.

The Quick Fixes That Don’t Work

Instead of addressing this very real problem, we turn to temporary distractions instead.

We endlessly scroll social media for a false sense of connection. We watch TV and play video games to numb our brains from feeling the pain. We keep ourselves busy by working long hours and checking off an endless to-do list.

turned off black television — *We watch TV and play video games to numb our brains from feeling the pain.*

The problem is that we’re living a lot differently today than humans evolved to live. Our hunter-gatherer ancestors were in close proximity to other humans at all times. They were never alone.

When solitude did occur, it was brief and purposeful—never an ongoing state of isolation.

Such is not the case today, and there are consequences. Our brains weren’t wired for this (very literal) disconnection.

We’re also not the only ones who experience this. Scientists have studied the effects of physical touch deprivation in some of our closest relatives: monkeys.

Harlow’s Monkey Experiment 🐒

In high school psychology class, I learned about the “monkey study” done by Harry Harlow.

Baby rhesus monkeys were separated from their mothers shortly after birth and put in a box/cage with two artificial “mothers” placed side-by-side. One was made of wire mesh and equipped with a feeding tube with milk.

The other was covered with soft cloth and had a monkey-looking face. It didn’t provide any food.

The monkeys consistently chose the cloth mother over the wire one with the feeding tube

Researchers were curios how much time the monkeys would spend with each mother. Interestingly, the babies clung to the cloth mother. They would even reach from the fluffy one over to the feeding tube rather than just moving to the wire mother.

Whenever the monkeys were anxious or scared, they would cling to the cloth monkey for comfort.

This study demonstrated the importance of physical touch for comfort and connection.

We not only crave it, we actually need it for proper development. Preemie babies used to be kept isolated until researchers found that just a few hours of human touch greatly increased the babies’ health and accelerated their growth.

This is fascinating. There’s more.

Real quick—If you’re finding this valuable, consider Restacking so more people can see it.

Co-sleeping for the brain? 🧠

I recently learned about the positive benefits of co-sleeping on the brain and body—not just for babies and children but even adults.

In American and European cultures, it’s common to sleep alone or with a partner in a private room.

But, this normalized habit isn’t shared with the rest of the world. (I’ve never realized this until recently!) In many cultures, communal sleeping is the norm. Entire families sleep together in the same room.

For our ancestors, too, it would have been an advantage to sleep in proximity to others.

It’d have been safer. If a predator came upon your sleeping tribe, everyone would defend each other and increase their chances of survival.

Through the release of hormones like oxytocin, co-sleeping also enhances emotional bonds with others.

When I read about this, I became more grateful and less grumpy about my little brother sleeping with me while I was home for winter break 😅

Physical touch is profoundly important—yet profoundly missing.

I painted this brick in my high school art classroom of Michaelangelo’s *Creation of Adam*. I love the connection the image has to the idea of physical touch! You can almost feel the energy between the two fingers.

These are just a few of the benefits of physical touch:

Promotes trust and attachment
Decreases stress
Fosters emotional resilience
Boosts mood and reduces feelings of loneliness
…and even increases immune function!

Unfortunately, as adults in modern society, it’s not a simple ask to start co-sleeping with a bunch of other humans or start hugging strangers on the street.

Practical Steps

You know I always like to leave you with actionable insights you can begin today. Here are some ways to increase the physical touch in your life:

Don’t discount your pet! Petting your good ol’ golden retriever has benefits similar to human-to-human touch 🐕
Practice micro-touches. Don’t underestimate a high-five, handshake, or pat on the back. These small actions can help generate a sense of closeness with the people around you.
Hug more. I know. I don’t really like hugs either. But now that I know how good they can be for my health, I’ll prioritize them more. Hugs are natural, simple, and an effective way to increase physical touch in your everyday.
Try massage therapy 💆🏻‍♀️ I’ve never gotten a massage before, but the research shows that its benefits go beyond relaxation. The physical touch mimics the benefits of other, more social, forms of touch.
Use a weighted blanket (or just regular blankets?) Weighted-blanket proponents say that the heaviness and pressure on your body mimics the feeling of being hugged or held. This gentle pressure can lower cortisol and increase serotonin and dopamine, promote relaxation by activating the parasympathetic nervous system, provide a sense of security, even improve sleep quality. I’ve found that even a regular blanket can provide a sense of warmth and comfort that can be helpful.
Meet Gus 🐈‍⬛ If you have a pet, start being intentional aboout petting them and how you feel afterwards.

The lack of physical touch in our lives can have serious consequences—but there are things you can do.

A Mindset Shift

Just a simple mindset shift has made me more intentional about increasing physical touch in my day.

I began to appreciate high-fives from teammates and squeezed a little extra during the hug from my little brother when he visited me at school.

I realized how much human-to-human touch was missing from my life, and the consequences this could have on my mood, emotional health, stress, sleep, energy, and even immune system.

I hope you’ll start to notice how it might be affecting your life, too.

As always, thanks for reading. With love and health,

Sophie